hi
thank you 4 ur message add me
bengpaulman@yahoo.com--- In
asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com, "heussey64" <heussey64@...> wrote:
>
> That was certainly a dose of reality....and a welcome one at that. You make some interesting points that i will consider. (the retirement one and re-runs was a good one...and yes that could be correct....LOL)
>
> To respond th the points you brought up....Her X husband has since moved to Vietnam and did not request visitations or holidays. ( I am not sure how the system works there) So I do not think it is an issue unless there is some notice by law she must give him. Myself i have 2 from a previous marriage but one is grown on his own and one starting College. So mine will not be a direct issue. Both mine live in NY I live in Florida.
>
> I appreciate your information and input. I also welcome any other information from those that may be reading this. Thank you all.
>
> RM
>
> --- In
asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com, "Just For Birds" <justforbirds@> wrote:
> >
> > Reasonable questions and well asked.
> >
> >
> >
> > Everyone is different as is every relationship.
> >
> > Depending on how long you've been corresponding; you now simply must take
> > the leap and get on a jet plane and go meet her.
> >
> > Plan to stay close by or at her house; that's the best way to assess her
> > life and that of her family.
> >
> > Don't leave without meeting the extended family. And don't be going with a
> > booty call in mind.
> >
> > For example: ME! (tad da!); I corresponded for about 6 months; went to meet
> > her and stayed with her family.
> >
> > We had this little entourage of family or local kids always following us(had
> > to see the white devil; right).
> >
> > I was truly impressed with what I saw; no sibling rivalry; no arguing or
> > pettiness within the family; truly a juxtaposition to the typical NA family.
> >
> > That was truly the opposite of the family I grew up in and I made the
> > decision that I had to do whatever it was to become a part of that way of
> > life.
> >
> > So: 3 more years of writing and jockeying for a position with my employer
> > put me back in Canada where I could sponsor her.
> >
> > We were married; 15 years now with 2 boys. She has her own business and just
> > became a citizen.
> >
> > Never an argument; ever.
> >
> >
> >
> > You write ".she is 36) And she has a 5 year... all very nice and seemingly
> > traditional in values....".
> >
> > I must comment: it is sad to see that divorce (for both of you) "is all very
> > nice and seemingly traditional in values"
> >
> > While it's good to see you've become adjusted to your divorced status: it's
> > a sad commentary on NA culture that this is "traditional".
> >
> > The statistics for the failure of 2nd marriages is very high; likely +70%.
> > Go into this knowing that.
> >
> > It will be increased with both of you already having failed marriages. ie:
> > Been there; done that; O.K. & easier to do it again.
> >
> > However: all is not lost. An article I read (before I took the plunge)
> > provided the statistic that only 2% of the out-of-country
> >
> > marriages failed as compared to a 56% failure of in-country 1st marriages.
> > of course that's old intel; like about 20 years old, now.
> >
> > But anyways: if you're headed to Vegas: wouldn't you want a 98% chance of
> > WINNING? That's' the opposite of 2% failure rate.
> >
> > So: if you head into this with a winning attitude you will certainly
> > increase your chances of it being a success.
> >
> > There will be adjustments in your life with culture, food, a kidlet, a
> > relationship and the pressure of a new life style.
> >
> > You will have to face your own difficulties and hers as well (moving to a
> > new country/culture/way of life).
> >
> > For me: the biggest and hardest was my wife opening the utility bills and
> > bank statements(that were now joint accounts).
> >
> > As odd as it seems: this was a huge hurdle for me. But: there's something
> > Asian about giving in and being a peace with reality.
> >
> > I was 42 when I married for the 1st time; she 32. So your 10-year age gap is
> > likely inconsequential. It's actually preferred in many Asian communities.
> >
> > Worked for us. I know one couple: he is like 80 and she is 40.
> >
> > Remember: you're NOT saving her from anything: she already has a life. So:
> > when will come to be your partner: treat this relationship in that way.
> >
> > The biggest question you have is for yourself: are you big enough(inside) to
> > take this on?
> >
> > If you have doubts and trust issues about this niggling at you all the time:
> > stay single and be prepared for lots of TV re-runs by
> >
> > your lonesome or with like-minded buddies at the retirement home in less
> > than 20 years.
> >
> > I can say our relationship (for me) was like winning a lottery and continues
> > to be so.
> >
> > I can also say: I know of several (not so many) that are train wrecks in
> > motion.
> >
> > One guy we know; he insisted his wife just stay at home. The JWs came a
> > knockin' and that was the end.
> >
> > In the beginning and all the way to the end: it is you and her who will
> > define your relationship and make it work or not.
> >
> > Review your past relationship honestly.
> >
> > Most people define the break-up of a relationship as the point of failure.
> > The realization and break-up is actually the turning point of success.
> >
> > The relationship failed at the 1st moment of attraction and all the little
> > concessions and insecurities the relationship were founded on were the
> > failure (of either party to see or admit they existed).
> >
> > So; do the Buddhist/Confusist /Taosit thing and look inside yourself to know
> > yourself and determine if you have the strength for this endeavor.
> >
> > It's mot for the weak nor the indecisive man. Can't be changing your mind in
> > a few weeks or in a few years. Especially with a 5-year-old in the mix.
> >
> > Be prepared for her ex to want something in exchange for his daughter
> > leaving China; be prepared to negotiate.
> >
> > You didn't mention if you have kids from before. That's another dynamic
> > consideration.
> >
> >
> >
> > Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
> > Oh oh oh ohoo little china girl
> >
> > I can't escape this feeling, with my China Girl
> > I feel a wreck without my, little China Girl
> > I hear her heart beating, loud as thunder
> > Saw the stars crashing
> >
> > I'm a mess without my little China Girl
> > Wake up in the morning. Where's my, little China Girl?
> > I hear our heart's beating, loud as thunder
> > I saw the stars crashing down
> >
> > I'm feelin' tragic like I'm Marlon Brando
> > When I look at my China Girl
> > I could pretend that nothing really meant too much
> > When I look at my China Girl
> >
> > I stumble into town just like a sacred cow
> > Visions of swastikas in my head
> > Plans for everyone
> > It's in the white of my eyes
> >
> > My little China Girl
> > You shouldn't mess with me
> > I'll ruin everything you are
> > I'll give you television
> > I'll give you eyes of blue
> > I'll give you a man who wants to rule the world
> >
> > And when I get excited
> > My little China Girl says
> > Oh baby just you shut your mouth
> > She says... shh
> > She says... shh
> > She says
> > She says
> >
> > And when I get excited
> > My little China Girl says
> > Oh baby just you shut your mouth
> > And when I get excited
> > My little China Girl says
> > Oh baby just you shut your mouth
> > She says... shh
> >
> >
> >
> > Be prepared for changes you cannot begin to imagine.
> >
> > The journey can be yours. Begin today.
> >
> >
> >
> > signed:
> >
> > Original Jerry
> >
> > [ Resonding to your original e-mai:l]
> >
> > Heussey64 writes:
> >
> > OK here goes.....I have always been attracted to Asian women. Let me back up
> > I am 46...and been divorced for 15 years
> >
>
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