I agree with Rose and Fred about the communication issue.
May I ask for your opinions about "love","communication" and "trust", which ONE, if only one you could chose to decide whom you would chose in a relationship to be with for your rest of lifetime, what you think most important in him/her.
Another thing is that, what Rose and I talked about was that created by ourselves but from our observation of some phenomenon. In my opinion, it's not that I think they don't love, but it's more like... what you could give make them love. If they could have better choice, why would they want to marry an old fart or young chubby, beer belly, clumsy or less thoughtful guys. Sorry that I couldn't give better way of expressing my opinion at the moment, but my point is just based on a simple one, you first give then you get in some of their cases in relationship we were talking about, I didn't say it's for all cases when it comes to a relationship.
Note to Rose: That's actually a vast range of discussing since it's just two simple words. I didn't narrow it down coz I don't even know which side I vote for myself. It's still undecided and confusing topic for me. :p It depends on how it leads to by itself through wherever our thinking leads us. It could be involved in the historical, genetic, culture, educational, envioronment, physical ,social ...etc background whatever comes in our mind when we are discussing it.
cheers,
Sharon
--- In asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com, "Rose" <pinkiee.roses@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Ms Black
>
> Am I ? I have seen many things happen like what sharon describe and I have lots ot american men as my friends also. And I never said that the whole indonesian girls are like that. But even though I didn't mention anything, will that mean this kind of things never happen ?
>
> I know many of my friends also perfer to get married with foreigner just to be able to get out from indonesia. Do I blame them, no off course its their right. But tend to forget having a mix marriage not even easy at all. Lots of things need to sort out and in many cases its just not working. The life they"ve been looking, totally different from the reality they are facing and finally they have to seperated and things gotten worst because well u know every problem in divorce system .... How can I say all these ? I heard from my friends who are abroad and I have experienced it by my self. my marriage was a mix marriage ......
>
> Are we saying about sending back jerry's wife for good ? If you read carefuly, we are just suggesting that probably sending her for holiday to visit her family might help her especially if she is homesick. Don't say that you are not agree in allowing her to visit her family ? And whose talking about punishment ? Which punish her more : allowing her to back to china and meet with her family whom she has been living with for her life or forcing her not to visit family and stay homesick forever ?
>
> We asian, most of the time very close to our family and to some, family is more than anything. And probably tha meaning of 'family' here is not exactly the same like what you think. When we said family then it means the whole bunch family we have, including even uncle. Not easy after say 24 years stay very close to our family then get married, move to another country, alone with the husband alone. Homesick surely will strike. And when that hapen mood can be very bad also.
>
> Aiyoooooo too long. And I have to go the office now and be busy with my work. Not easy to type emails from handphone.
> So temporary will back as a reader
>
> Note to sharon: ur disccussion board will get the reply as soon as I got chance.
>
> Bye for now
>
> Cheers
> ~Rose~
>
>
> ~Watch your habits, for they become your character. Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny~
> Sent with lots of best wishes and powered by Faith
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: "ms_black_001" <Ms_Black_001@...>
> Sender: asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2010 17:46:28
> To: <asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com>
> Reply-To: asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com
> Subject: [asianamericanromance] Re: New Guy
>
> Wow. This is just awful. And this is women talking about their sisters, internationally. Do you realize what you're saying?
>
> First, you paint all the "romances" between Chinese and Indonesian females and western men as not really romance at all, just a country of people desperate for a way out meets a bunch of foreigners exploiting their American citizenship. You're suggesting that this woman's husband punish her and scare her, by sending her back to a bad situation - which pretty much paints all the western males in these relationships as lowdown, abusive a**holes. Yeah, that ought to teach her. She's got a lot of nerve thinking she's part of his family, or that she's loved and valued, or that she has the right to have a problem with her husband
>
> You not only have no problem making bad general statements about every woman in China and Indonesia. You have no problem with a man from the west holding the power of his American citizenship and better financial circumstances over his own wife's head, like, if you don't act the way I like, I'll just send you back. As if she were a dog he got out of the pound - except most people would have too much heart to send the dog back.
>
> Would anyone do that to someone they loved?
>
> Why are you even posting to a group about Asian-American *romance* when you don't believe there's any such thing?
>
> This is just depressing.
>
>
> --- In asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com, "Rose" <pinkiee.roses@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Sharon
> > We meet again ;)
> >
> > I understand very well your point of view here and also understand why you think that way :) I can say I am not agree also with indonesian bride, coz they all do the same thing like you said and some cases even worst.
> >
> > Probably what you said to send her back home is a good idea, but can be bad idea also :) Best is like what Fred said, Jerry (oooppsss I think I called a wrong name in my other email) must know what she has in her mind. No point in guessing what she wants and act base on what we thought she is thinking. If she said she is home sick, only then send her back home for holiday :)
> >
> > Good luck to Jerry
> >
> > Cheers
> > ~Rose~
> >
> >
> >
> > ~Watch your habits, for they become your character. Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny~
> > Sent with lots of best wishes and powered by Faith
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: "Sharon" <lin.sharon123@>
> > Sender: asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com
> > Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2010 07:05:49
> > To: <asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com>
> > Reply-To: asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com
> > Subject: [asianamericanromance] Re: New Guy
> >
> > Hi Jerry n Rose,
> >
> >
> > I am sort of against china bride ... :p
> > I used to work in our national immigrantion agency and assist interviewing china bride... None I would say they got cool personality deeply in their soul.. :p Sorry if I jumped to a conclusion too subjective.
> >
> > Their gap between poor and rich are pretty worse, female were not regarded any important, so they were unlucky to grow in a fair environment. They would seize any straw reach to them.... I personally don't think they would really want to go back to China. I might be very wrong but I personally think that's because she is in US now that she wants more. Send her back to China alone for a month, she will definately love you more than before.
> >
> > Again... I am sort of against china bride ... :p Probably it's because they are more competitive than me. lol
> >
> > I am also curious about your case.
> >
> >
> >
> > cheers,
> > Sharon
> > --- In asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com, "Rose" <pinkiee.roses@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi Jerry
> > >
> > > Welcome.
> > >
> > > Sorry to hear your problem. I guess that is what we called marriage life ;) May I know what is your wife age ?
> > >
> > > Yes it could be cultural difference shock. She is now trying to adapt to her present situation and she did miss her family a lot. All her life, she was living with her family and now she feels lonely without them.
> > >
> > > Sleeping on the couch for 2 days .... Wow. Wanna share the problem ? Maybe we can help you here ? :)
> > >
> > > Sent on date 6/23/2010 time 07:22
> > >
> > >
> > > ~Watch your habits, for they become your character. Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny~
> > > Sent with lots of best wishes and powered by Faith
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: "Captain Jerry" <CaptainJerry@>
> > > Sender: asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com
> > > Date: Tue, 22 Jun 2010 22:22:28
> > > To: <asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com>
> > > Reply-To: asianamericanromance@yahoogroups.com
> > > Subject: [asianamericanromance] New Guy
> > >
> > > Hi,
> > > I'm new here. My name is Jerry [I've been called "Captain Jerry" for a
> > > very long time!] I live in Southern California [The O.C. Baby!] and I
> > > work for KIA Motors America as a Senior Software Engineer [which just
> > > means that I'm a programmer that's been around the block a few...
> > > hundred times!] -- About 2 years ago I was in the middle of a very
> > > devastating divorce, when I met this wonderful girl [online] from China.
> > > We clicked BIG TIME, and embarked on getting her to the U.S. to be my
> > > wife. I went to visit her once, and it took us 9 more months to get her
> > > here. We were married 10 days after she stepped off the plane. Our
> > > relationship has been up and down since... Usually good, sometimes
> > > great, sometimes just okay, but when we're having problems, they are
> > > really bad. She almost immediately jumps to wanting to go back to
> > > China, permanently. Yes, she misses her family, but she is constantly
> > > online with them, and doesn't seem to be bothered that she can't
> > > actually be with them in person. I think our problems are more in the
> > > area of cultural differences, but I'll get to that in a new post!
> > > [She's been sleeping on the couch for the past 2 nights :-(
> > > Jerry
> > >
> >
>
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