Asian American Romance: RE: [asianamericanromance] Re: My criterion in hubby

“…How much do you know about Thai (or Asian) culture? Or do you just know what men who go to go-go bars tell you? In Thailand family members are expected to help and take care of other family members. The people with more money help the family members with less money. That is what is in our culture. Maybe we value family more than they do in Canada? Either way, please do not insult a differnet culture if you do not know it…”

How much do I know about Thai culture? Most of what I have been told over the past year has been from men who head to the first go go bar they can find as soon as they get off the plane. Thailand’s sex scene is not a secret. In fact, it’s this sex scene that drives most men to visit Thailand and stay as long as they can. The women are young, beautiful and know how to treat a man so that he feels good.

But, I am also learning about the other side of Thai culture from a number of Thai women online. These women are not into the go go bar scene – one works for the government, the other works at a travel center. And, I also hear from these women about the women who work in the bars and the games they play with foreign men. One cannot close ones eyes to the facts coming from Thai women who live there, can they?

Canadians value their families as well. I am not insulting your culture – I am passing on what I have been told both by men who visit Thailand, and the women who live there.

“…Seem like you an expert in Thai bar girls. May I ask again where all this experience comes from?...”

Well, I regularly correspond with one for starters. As well, a friend married one (the one whose family suddenly needed supporting). And, another friend married one.

”…OK. I see. It happen 1 time to 1 person so that is the way it is with all Asian women?...”

Well, actually it happened more than once. And, I made it clear in my previous post that I did not believe that was the way it was with all Asian women. Perhaps you didn’t understand? As in all cultures, there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ people everywhere. Quite simple, really.

”…Or maybe the girl changed her mind and didn't want your friend?...”

No, the girl did not ‘change her mind’. She simply moved onto the next available ‘target’ as soon as my friend went home.

“…Not everyone lucky like you who meet a man and fall in love with the first man they meet…”

How would you know how many men I’ve loved? How would you know whether it was the first man I met, or the 50^th? Quite presumptuous of you, don’t you think? Also, very naïve. ‘Love’ doesn’t happen instantly, nor does it always last. Often it’s a growing together of two people, common interests, perhaps a shared history, and even differences that cause two people to be attracted to one another. Many times, it’s those same things that drive people apart. I would think that, as an adult woman, you would understand that by now.

“…Who knows what the real story is? Or maybe your friend was just stupid and payed a bar girl lots of money and thought that she was in love with him when she was just working? And maybe he is just to embarressed to admit that?...”

Definitely he paid many ‘working girls’ to ‘spend time with him’. Not going to argue that with you.

”…Is it not sad that all of these educated, well financed men (they can afford to travel to Asia-most Asians can not travel to USA) are sucked by bar girls who have little education? And it NEVER happen that man make promises to a girl and then when he leaves from his vacation, forget about her. And how these men meet the girl in the first place? Did they get off the airplane, get hit on the head and kidnapped and taken to go-go bar? They went looking for sex and they got it and then they cry when they not get more? If you go to strip club-I not think you can expect to get a girlfriend or dating…”

It is my understanding – from my Thai friend who works in the travel industry – that it is almost impossible for Thai people to travel outside of their own country. Not just because of finances, but also because the government does not allow it. Correct me if I’ve misunderstood.

Yes, it is sad that some Thai women choose to work in bars. It is sad that they provide sex to strangers. It is sad that men from other countries take advantage of that.

Again, Thailand is well-known around the world for its sex industry – Pattya, for one. One could argue whether or not Thailand created it so the tourists would come, or if the tourists demanded it so it was created. Did the chicken or the egg come first?

And, yes you can find a wife in a strip club – I know of a number of men here in Canada who married their favourite bar girls from Thailand.

“…So why bring it up then for your example about bar girls? What about the prostitutes in Canada? Are they all honest? They don't men's money? Or steal for drugs? Or do anything else bad? They are all just wonderful human beings and when they meet men they marry them and make wonderful wives?...”

Prostitutes in Canada are mostly drug-addicted, lying, thieving women. Just like anywhere else. They’ve had bad histories growing up, or found themselves in a desperate situation as adults. Nobody said they were wonderful human beings – although I do believe that all people are basically good and true – sometimes situations cause them to behave in less than perfect ways. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

“…And, millionaires in the US and in Canada are by no means COMMON. If only > it were true…”

And I still not sure what this means?

It means that foreigners – from the US and from Canada – are rarely millionaires. We work, we pay our mortgage, we put food on the table, etc – but we generally are just making it. And, when I said if only it were true, I meant just that – if only it were common – maybe I’d even be one of those millionaires J

Wonderful, kind, intelligent gentlemen (rich or poor) are also rare. Does that mean that women should settle for jerks because it hard to find a kind and intelligent gentleman in this world?

I disagree with you. There are many wonderful, kind and intelligent men out there. You just have to be open to see them. They’re someone’s brother, the guy next door, the mechanic down the road, the teacher that teaches in the high school, your doctor, your garbageman, the clerk at the grocery store. Men here in Canada I find to be friendly, warm, humorous, intelligent and kind – just like anywhere else in the world. Again, everywhere you will find a mixture of people – some good, some bad, some in between.

“…So what are men that pay for sex and then want to marry the girls called?...”

They’re called men. All men love sex. It’s their basic human nature J Thank goodness for that haha. So what if they pay a bar girl for sex and then fall in love and want to marry the girl? Do men not fall in love as well?

”…So what are men who want to marry a girl only for her looks or because she will listen to him and take care of his house like a maid called?...”

Men are visual creatures – as can women be – obviously the first thing they will notice is a woman’s looks. Why is that so strange? But no man I know would marry one just for her looks! That’s ridiculous.

What’s wrong with a man wanting his woman to listen to him? Does not a wife want her husband to listen to her? And, while I do realize it’s considered quite old-fashioned these days, what’s wrong with a wife taking care of the house? Or, cooking his meals? Frankly, I enjoy it. I also run our office, and enjoy pampering my man – back rubs, foot rubs, bringing him coffee in bed, and lots of sex J

I never realized a simple discussion could bring the claws out so readily or the defensiveness…hmmm, interesting, really.

Cath